Wonderful Talk

My husband and I took a 2 hour car ride today to see a football game with the kids. While they were sleeping in the back seat we began our adoption talk. It is always nice to talk about where we are, where we are going, and what we are searching for. Especially as we approach our year of waiting in November it is good to sit back think, talk, and decide what will be our future. It is nice to know we are on the same page and we are able to talk about it and make each other feel better. We are starting a new church tomorrow that we are both so excited about. We have always wanted to go to this church but it was such a far drive for us, low and behold they opened a second location right near our house. A message from god? Maybe. We are both so excited to go!

Started to cry today.....

I started to cry today for the first time in 2 months. Yep todays marks 2 months since baby M was born and I didnt realize it would hit me as hard as it has. Besides the fact that it just doesnt seem like any situation is working out for us lately. It all came to a head today.
Today I had those feelings of- what if it never happens? What if we never find our baby R? I am not really sure what would happen. I guess I would go on with life with a small peice of my heart missing. I love my boys more than life itself so I know they would keep my smile strong. They are my rocks and the funniest thing is they dont even know it.
I really needed to clean the nursery today, it had been awhile since I had been in there and I knew it needed a dusting and a vaccum. When I walked in I got a little sad and wondered as I was folding one of the blankets, "will I ever use this." What would I do with that room if it never happens? I put that nursery together 8 months ago! WOW! 8 months ago I was so positive and excited and thought I would be hearing coos and cries from that room very soon. Here I was cleaning a room that no one goes in and I felt a bit silly, but I cleaned it and walked out closing the door behind me.
I am sure tomorrow will be a better day. We are all entitled to our sad days of feeling that it will never happen for us. This journey has definitely been a roller coaster. One minute I feel like we will have our baby before Christmas and the next minute I feel like I need to think about what I will do with the nursery when we realize we will never be placed with a baby. I will hold my boys extra tight today and be so thankful for what I have right now.

Someone's post:

This was posted on one of our adoption forums.......it speaks volumes and you can see why.

"Wait on Me My princess. My timing is always perfect. I know you're anxious about many things, and I see your passion for all the plans I have put in your heart. I know that you long to fly, and I see your enthusiasm. However, just as a vinedresser nurtures the vine and waits patiently for the right moment to harvest the grapes, so am I working tirelessly to prepare you to bear much fruit. Don't run ahead of Me or try to fly before My plans are complete. Your strength will fail you and your dreams will wither away. Trust Me that My dreams for you are far greater than you can dream on your own. You will run farther and soar higher if you will patiently wait for the season of My blessing. Draw close to Me now, and I promise that this season of waiting will bring you the sweetest of rewards."

Cute project for school

My oldest son came home on Friday with the cutest project for preschool. He was chosen to bring home the class pet, "Buscuit". ( a stuffed animal) You keep the dog all weekend and journal what you did and take pictures. When you return to school on Monday you bring the doggie back with your journal and tell the class what you did with him all weekend. It is so cute. Let me tell you when my son came out of his classroom on Friday you would have thought he won the lottery. It worked out perfect too because we were going to the vet that day with our dog so we had the vet take pictures with the stuffed animal, it was perfect. We had a great weekend putting this project together and I am so glad that my son thought it was awesome!

Is SO ready to wake up 3-4 times a night!

Isnt that the weirdest statement that you have ever heard! But it is so true! After my two boys I was so excited to be able to sleep all night! I remeber that first night that my youngest slept through the night I was so excited. Well it has been 2.5 years and I am SO ready to wake up in the middle of the night again. Will it happen? I pray everyday that it will. But only the lord knows what is in store for us at this point. I truly wake up everyday and I am so thankful for what I have been blessed with so far in my life. I love my family and my children are just the light of my life. But I cant help but feel that small peice missing from my heart.....my baby Reagan.
Things have been quiet lately. I often times wonder why it hasnt happened for us or why we are being put through all this waiting and heartache. There is a lesson in this and I am trying to figure out what that lesson is everyday. I have been told by so many people that the heartache and waiting is so worth it when you look into the eyes of your child, I know this to be true because I experienced that for 24 hours back in July. I look so forward to that feeling again.

A successful first day of school!

We now have the first day of school behind us! What a great day it was! The boys were so excited. When they got in the car to head home they were talking tons about what they did in school. It was awesome!

Back to School

Is summer over, is it really over? I just cant believe it! This summer has gone by so fast. This is the first time that I have not wanted school to start. I feel sad to know that on Wednesday my boys will be back to preschool. We had such a great summer and had so much fun! I never thought I would be that mom to not want her kids to go back to school, but here I am. I dont want to stop our pajama days or our morning trips to the park. They will be going to preschool three days a week this year. Tomorrow we will spend the day getting their backpacks ready and picking out their first day of school outfits.
We had a great weekend. We went down to my parents river house and enjoyed spending time on the water. The boys had a blast and it was a great way to end our summer.
I hope that everyone has a great first day of school!