Merry Christmas

I hope that everyone had a great Christmas. It was definitely great for us. The kids were all blessed with many wonderful toys and to top it off we had our complete family. I thought a lot about how grateful we are to have our family complete over the holidays. It was such a wonderful feeling.

Baby Reagan smiles!

Yes it happened. Our princess smiled and oh how glorious it was! Being that she is a preemie we never know when she will do something and what will take a little longer than another child her age. She has been all smiles since and we love it!
We had our annual Christmas party over the weekend. What a great time that was! Many of our friends got to meet Reagan and I know they had been waiting awhile to do so. We had a Santa come to see the children and they loved that.
We are counting down the days until Christmas. This is such a special Christmas for so many reasons. We now have our complete family and William and Lucas are just so excited and SO into Christmas and Santa. Christmas morning is going to be so exciting.

2 Months!

Our princess is now 2 months old! Can you believe it! I cant! She is growing fast and doing so well. We went in last Thursday for her doc appt and she weighed in at 8 lbs 12oz. The doctor looked at her and said, "So this is what you would have probably weighed at birth!" The doctor was so happy that she had gained as much as she had. She is holding her head up more and more everyday. I try to make sure we do tummy time at least twice a day. For a preemie that is so important. She is so laid back and just watches everyone! She loves to focus on your face and she loves when the boys come over and talk to her. She still sleeps a lot but heck she is really only suppsed to be about a week and a half old! She will hold on to her passie, which she loves!
We just love her so much and cant get enough of her!

** UPDATE** You will see my previous post on the birth mom from July. I talked to her a lot as she got closer to the day she was planning to sign. We texted tons back and forth. Eventhough I couldnt hear her voice I sensed her nervousness. I talked her through a lot of her pain that day and hopefully made her feel at peace with her decision. She texted me the next day letting me know that she had signed TPR and Baby K went to a family that night. She didnt want to meet the family, she told me that it would be too hard since she got too emotional attached to us. I can understand that. I have tried to contact her since this talk but she has not answered. I remember the last time she was about to sign with us and her grandmother turned off her cell phone so I have a feeling the same thing happened this time. I pray for her often and hope that she is doing well and so if Baby K.

Our Third Birth Mom changed her mind again

You can look back in our blog and find our July 09 failed placement, what a mess that was. It was pure heartache. Luckily Reagan came into our lives and that heartache melted away. Sunday night we get a text from that July birth mom saying she wants to place her baby. WOW! Didnt expect that one. The baby is now about 3 months old and she has realized she really cant do it on her own. It is a weird feeling knowing that we can not adopt that baby. Being the adoptive parents that were there for the birth and now someone else is going to be adopting her is very strange. But at the same time I am so grateful because we wouldnt have Reagan if she had decided to place back in July. Like I said it is such a weird feeling. The birth mom and I are texting each other, I feel as though we have a bond and we are drawn to each other. I am glad she is making the decision that is best for her baby girl. I cant imagine how hard that decision is now. This absolutely reminds me that god does things for a reason, if she had made this decision in September we wouldnt have our Reagan now. I just think it is amazing how things work out the way they are supposed to.

Bad Blogger

I have been so bad at blogging. I have a hard enough time getting on the internet now with three littles ones. Reagan is doing great and growing so fast. We have had a busy few weeks. I look forward to seeing her weight this week at the doctor.
Halloween started out good. The kids looked adorable. By the end of the night we had two very sick little boys. Come Sunday morning we had two high fevers and my husband took the boys to the hospital. Pretty sure they have H1N1 but they wouldnt test them for it. They just put them on tamaflu and sent them home. We are now trying to keep germs away from reagan so the boys are secluded to their rooms and I am keeping Reagan away from them completely. That is the last thing we need is her getting sick. So now to keep momma and daddy healthy as well!
Hopefully I can update more often, especially now that we are all homebound and resting as much as possible.

Going home!

We are heading back home today! YEAH! I am so excited. This was so much earlier than I expected so it definitely put a smile on my face when we got the call yesterday. Traveling with luggage and a small baby has been interesting but I am so excited to go home I dont even care! :) I cant wait to introduce Reagan to our boys and our family. We will all be together again.

In Arizona with Reagan

Sorry I havent updated you. Things have been crazy and I have had limited internet. This whole situation happened so quick, the way I like it! Last Wednesday we got a call from our agency letting us know about a little girl born early at 32 weeks gestation. She was doing well, are we interested? OF COURSE! By Thursday we got the news that the birth mom and dad signed papers that evening and we were on a plane the next morning. We arrived in Arizona around 2:00 or so and went straight to the hospital to meet Reagan. She was perfect. She was still on a feeding tube but improving everyday. We signed the papers that night and spent the next 5 days going back and forth to the hospital. After all love heals right? Soon enough the feeding tube came out, she was eating on her own, and the doctor came in on Tuesday to let us know they were discharging her the next day! Holy Moly! I wasnt expecting that! So here we are staying at Ronald McDonald House, which has been a huge blessing. She is growing like a week and just as cute as a button. She weighed 4 lbs. 13 oz. yesterday. We are heading back to the doc today. I am madly in love and now just cant wait to get her home to see her brothers. I miss my boys so much!

We found our baby Reagan

We are so excited to announce the birth of our baby girl Reagan Rae on September 16th. She was born early and is still in the NICU but doing fantastic. She is perfect in every way! I will fill you in more and put pictures up when I can. We are so blessed and just love her so much!

Wonderful Talk

My husband and I took a 2 hour car ride today to see a football game with the kids. While they were sleeping in the back seat we began our adoption talk. It is always nice to talk about where we are, where we are going, and what we are searching for. Especially as we approach our year of waiting in November it is good to sit back think, talk, and decide what will be our future. It is nice to know we are on the same page and we are able to talk about it and make each other feel better. We are starting a new church tomorrow that we are both so excited about. We have always wanted to go to this church but it was such a far drive for us, low and behold they opened a second location right near our house. A message from god? Maybe. We are both so excited to go!

Started to cry today.....

I started to cry today for the first time in 2 months. Yep todays marks 2 months since baby M was born and I didnt realize it would hit me as hard as it has. Besides the fact that it just doesnt seem like any situation is working out for us lately. It all came to a head today.
Today I had those feelings of- what if it never happens? What if we never find our baby R? I am not really sure what would happen. I guess I would go on with life with a small peice of my heart missing. I love my boys more than life itself so I know they would keep my smile strong. They are my rocks and the funniest thing is they dont even know it.
I really needed to clean the nursery today, it had been awhile since I had been in there and I knew it needed a dusting and a vaccum. When I walked in I got a little sad and wondered as I was folding one of the blankets, "will I ever use this." What would I do with that room if it never happens? I put that nursery together 8 months ago! WOW! 8 months ago I was so positive and excited and thought I would be hearing coos and cries from that room very soon. Here I was cleaning a room that no one goes in and I felt a bit silly, but I cleaned it and walked out closing the door behind me.
I am sure tomorrow will be a better day. We are all entitled to our sad days of feeling that it will never happen for us. This journey has definitely been a roller coaster. One minute I feel like we will have our baby before Christmas and the next minute I feel like I need to think about what I will do with the nursery when we realize we will never be placed with a baby. I will hold my boys extra tight today and be so thankful for what I have right now.

Someone's post:

This was posted on one of our adoption forums.......it speaks volumes and you can see why.

"Wait on Me My princess. My timing is always perfect. I know you're anxious about many things, and I see your passion for all the plans I have put in your heart. I know that you long to fly, and I see your enthusiasm. However, just as a vinedresser nurtures the vine and waits patiently for the right moment to harvest the grapes, so am I working tirelessly to prepare you to bear much fruit. Don't run ahead of Me or try to fly before My plans are complete. Your strength will fail you and your dreams will wither away. Trust Me that My dreams for you are far greater than you can dream on your own. You will run farther and soar higher if you will patiently wait for the season of My blessing. Draw close to Me now, and I promise that this season of waiting will bring you the sweetest of rewards."

Cute project for school

My oldest son came home on Friday with the cutest project for preschool. He was chosen to bring home the class pet, "Buscuit". ( a stuffed animal) You keep the dog all weekend and journal what you did and take pictures. When you return to school on Monday you bring the doggie back with your journal and tell the class what you did with him all weekend. It is so cute. Let me tell you when my son came out of his classroom on Friday you would have thought he won the lottery. It worked out perfect too because we were going to the vet that day with our dog so we had the vet take pictures with the stuffed animal, it was perfect. We had a great weekend putting this project together and I am so glad that my son thought it was awesome!

Is SO ready to wake up 3-4 times a night!

Isnt that the weirdest statement that you have ever heard! But it is so true! After my two boys I was so excited to be able to sleep all night! I remeber that first night that my youngest slept through the night I was so excited. Well it has been 2.5 years and I am SO ready to wake up in the middle of the night again. Will it happen? I pray everyday that it will. But only the lord knows what is in store for us at this point. I truly wake up everyday and I am so thankful for what I have been blessed with so far in my life. I love my family and my children are just the light of my life. But I cant help but feel that small peice missing from my heart.....my baby Reagan.
Things have been quiet lately. I often times wonder why it hasnt happened for us or why we are being put through all this waiting and heartache. There is a lesson in this and I am trying to figure out what that lesson is everyday. I have been told by so many people that the heartache and waiting is so worth it when you look into the eyes of your child, I know this to be true because I experienced that for 24 hours back in July. I look so forward to that feeling again.

A successful first day of school!

We now have the first day of school behind us! What a great day it was! The boys were so excited. When they got in the car to head home they were talking tons about what they did in school. It was awesome!

Back to School

Is summer over, is it really over? I just cant believe it! This summer has gone by so fast. This is the first time that I have not wanted school to start. I feel sad to know that on Wednesday my boys will be back to preschool. We had such a great summer and had so much fun! I never thought I would be that mom to not want her kids to go back to school, but here I am. I dont want to stop our pajama days or our morning trips to the park. They will be going to preschool three days a week this year. Tomorrow we will spend the day getting their backpacks ready and picking out their first day of school outfits.
We had a great weekend. We went down to my parents river house and enjoyed spending time on the water. The boys had a blast and it was a great way to end our summer.
I hope that everyone has a great first day of school!

Dreams?

Have you ever had a dream? I think all of us have at some point in our lives. Some of those dreams are sillier than others. Last night my husband and I went to see Kenny Chesney in concert. I was very excited since I do have a little crush on that man. While I was watching the show I was reminded of my dream. I would have loved to be a singer! Can I sing, well I can carry a tune but I am definitely not stopping traffic. The sound of the fans, singing along with his songs. That must be an amazing feeling, to look out on all those people and hear your song! Dreaming is a part of life and although I know I am not going to ever become a famous singer I still have that ability to dream big dreams.

The love for your child.

Can anyone even put this thought into words? It is so hard. The love you have for your child is like nothing you could even explain. For me it was love at first site for both, I couldnt take my eyes off of them and even now 3 and 4 years later I still cant. You have a desire to protect them, care for them, love them, and give them the world. For those that are waiting on an adoption situation and you dont have any children know that wether you have given birth to those children or not it is always love at first site. I have given birth to two and know from previous failed placements that I fall in love with my "adopted child" just as easily as I did with my birth children. It is such a wonderful feeling. Children are so precious and each life is such a miracle how could you not fall madly in love with them.
Today my youngest son had an out patient surgery. I hated seeing him go through the unknown of preparing for surgery and it took all I had not to cry as I held his hand when they are putting him to sleep. Of course now that the surgery is over I want to hold him in my arms and not let him up until I know he is healed completely but I guess I cant do that. He tends to remind me that "he is not a baby!" :)
Being a parent is awesome and I am so blessed to have two and waiting on my third.

No news

I hate posting nothing! But I dont have anything to share. Things have been quiet on the adoption front. No calls, no e-mails. We are ready! Someone call! Someone e-mail! I cant wait until we have our baby.

We are Home!

Well we have returned from our much needed vacation at the beach. What an incredible week it was. We spent the week completely relaxed and not thinking or talking about adoption every 5 seconds. Of course did it completely leave my mind.....no......but it was still a good break. I would catch myself thinking that we would have had 3 children at the beach this year but I would push it out of my mind. I sat on the beach many times and watched my boys playing in the water and thinking that I was so blessed. Life is really beautiful and I wanted to take in every minute of every day watching my boys play in the water and in the sand. It was awesome. I didnt want to leave! But back to the daily grind we go. I stepped on the scale today and yes I gained 2 pounds....I know 2 pounds doesnt sound much but it is a pretty good amount for me. But I have to admit something.......IT WAS SO WORTH IT!

A Week Without the computer!

Will I make it?! HA! I can remember only about 11 years ago when I never ever got on a computer unless I was typing a report or doing some school research. Now I facebook, myspace, blog, e-mail, etc. I have spent the week packing and getting our family ready for a much needed family beach trip. We are heading to Myrtle Beach. This was definitely a last minute trip but everything in our lives lately has been a last minute change. After the failed adoption my husband said to me, "we need to get away." I think it will be great for us not to have the internet 24 hours a day. It will just be us, the four of us. We all need a mind release, a sense of relaxation. We will be leaving tomorrow for my mom's house, then Friday we are heading to Scott's aunt's house, and Saturday we are beach bound. Personally Saturday cant come soon enough. See you bloggers in a week!